Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
