i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
