I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
