This is not my ceiling
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
