hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can I color on your dick again?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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