You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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