Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
