My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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