I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
