I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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