I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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