I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
