Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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