you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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