If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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