All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
