OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
