Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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