my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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