Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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