im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
