"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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