Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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