just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize