so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
