chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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