K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
