Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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