im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We were destined to go to rehab together
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
