Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
