I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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