I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
