I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
