He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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