She's like a pop up book from hell.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize