I wish I could teleport
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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