so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
