My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Its about making memories worth repressing
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize