I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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