Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
