Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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