It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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