She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
