I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
