I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
