i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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