but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
