My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
