first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize