found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
