I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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