I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
