What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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