So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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