Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
