you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize