I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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