marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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