I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
