textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
