woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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