All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
