We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
