the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
