Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
