my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
