At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Randomize
