I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
