I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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