I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
