I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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