carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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