i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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