The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
