This girl is more easily done than said...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
