nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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